I know it's True

Tuesday, May 8th our first babe should have turned one.  Last year, May 8th fell on Mother's Day.  I might have been a bit of a mess.  While I was overjoyed to be pregnant with little Eli, I kept thinking about that fact that I was spending Mother's Day mourning a baby that I should have been bringing into the world that day.  I thought I'd be in the same mournful sate this year.  As the Day drew closer I made sure to dread it's arrival.  I kept waiting for grief to sneak up on me.  And while I did my fair share of wishing I had two babies here and now to hold, I spent most of my time thinking about the amazingness that is Heaven.  

You see I know two things beyond a shadow of a doubt.  I have no clue how both of them can be true, but they are.  It's a mystery, one of those things you take on faith.

The first thing I know is that my sweet darling is growing and learning and loving Jesus in Heaven.  She just had the most amazing birthday party this week.  A cake with an adorable bunting banner, and hundreds of other loved baby friends surrounding her.  She sits with Jesus every day, and he loves her like no one else can.  He relishes every smile and coo and word that she learns.  He helped her take her first steps and caught her every time she fell.  He knows all of her favorite foods, and books, and songs.  And he sings sweet lullabies to her every night as he rocks her to sleep.  He watches her sweet face as she dreams, and whispers our love in her ear.  She is loved, and growing, and perfect in every way.

I know that each year she'll learn more and more in the arms of her Savior, as she grows from baby to toddler, child to teen, and into a perfect young women.  But I also know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the moment I get to heaven my Jesus will hand me my tiny, perfect, baby girl to hold in my arms.  And I will get to watch her grow and learn and love Jesus for myself.

I will sit with her every day, and love her as best I can.  I will relish every smile and coo and word she learns.  I will help her take her first steps and catch her every time she falls.  I will know all her favorite foods, and books and songs.  And I will sing sweet lullabies to her every night as I rock her to sleep.  I'll watch her sweet face as she dreams, and whisper my love in her ear.  She is loved, and perfect in every way.  Now and always.  Here and for eternity.